A little Piece of me in July

I like: My Friends

Lately, I've been feeling more and more empty, and become lost in the tangled woods of heartache and my own crippling pain. If it weren't for the few true friends I have out there, I wouldn't be here today. the friends who stay up late with me, let me cry on their shoulders and laugh as we watch B grade zombie movies and plan out how we would survive zombie invasions.

I love how we sit there and shout random things, and magically, it becomes a personal joke between us. I love that when I'm with you guys, it feels like everthing just may one day be ok.

I don't like: Silence

The silence has grown and grown, and it's slowly eating away at me. Driving me insane. I don't feel like me anymore, I no longer look at the world with big bright eyes, but now stare at it with bleak absent apathetic lids. I strove for a sign of light, that tiny flickering flame that we instictivey reach out to.

Yet I got too close, and was burned, leaving myself cold and bitter.

Alone with naught but my own screams to keep my company.
Because the silence, is slowly killing me.

I want you to know: I will never let you go, Ever.

No matter how much you shout, no matter how long you ignore me. No matter how many times you tell me I don't understand and that I'm wrong. No matter how many times you hurt me beyond repair.

I will foolishly still Love you.

Because I cannot control what my heart feels.

I've planned: To go to AVCON

Adelaide's Anime and Video game convention, I've had my tickets for a while now, and rest assured there will be future blogs about this. I've got my costume all set up and ready to go all I need now is for the 23rd To roll on around.

I better bunker down and prepare my house with Mountain Dew, and Doritos to make sure the Nerd infestation upon my humble abode is well fed and nourished to avoid any nerdy wrath.

I've seen revenge of the nerds. Dangerous folk.

I want to say to someone special: Nothing.

The silence kills me. But I have promised never to speak. To stay silent.

By the end of this month: I'll probably be in hopital again as they shove a camera down my belly button.

They think I have Endometriosis, a disease where tissue from the inside of the uterus is growing on the outside of it, and has began to function and grow causing abnormal growth and severe pains;

and as a result I have to have Laparoscopy a surgury where a few incisions are made anda camera will be in my belleh. Clearly not as big as the wonderful Nikon SLR pictured above, but still a rather uncomfortable thing I'd imagine.

I want to have kids one day, so this scares me. A part of me wants to have it so I finally know whats wrong with me, another part just doesn't want it at all. It's a small operation, and I've gone for a few operations before but it doesn't stop me from stressing.
It doesn't stop me from being scared.

Then realizing that in my fear, I am alone and have only myself to cling to.