Internet Pie

I have been gone for a long time. Too long in fact.

Why?Because I had no internet access, do you know what it’s like? Living in today’s Modern society without the internet? You think it’d be fine, that’s what I thought at least. Despite me being somewhat dependant on the world wide web, I figured a few weeks away from it would do me good. Also. I am a girl, so I do not internet, I figure I should be back in the kitchen where I will be baking you all a pie.
The pie has my hair in it. FYI.

It looks something like this:

It looks bad because I didn’t have google to tell me not to put in crazy shit, because some people are that stupid.

Since two weeks turned into three months, thanks to the much loved internet companies of Australia screwing me around, I made many of these pies. It looked something like this:

Suffice to say, I realized how much I rely on the net, to socialize, do my weekly paying of the bills and to get information. Google, I missed you. There were many a time I was sitting there, and saw something on the TV, or my floor, or that my brain couldn’t work something out, my answer was to always Google it.

Without the internet, its comics my Roleplays and even the sweet velveteen caress of a multi million dollar search engine I ended up looking like this:

Although now, I am back.
I would draw a picture for that, but I don’t think it’s needed. I don’t think I could convey my emotions through mere words and visual aids of mediocre value.


Expect something that isn’t written when I am half awake at some ungodly hour. (Ungodly hour being 9:32pm after being awake since 6am and working all day.)

Dear Mosquitoes

Dear Mosquitoes

Screw you.
Why do you pick the most inappropriate hard to itch areas to stick your invasive prick of a nozzle in?
Sure, you could land on my arm and have a bit of a drink, heck even my shoulder or my legs would seem logical.
But no.You choose to go for the bottom of my feet; don’t you realize that the soles of a person’s feet consist of thick skin? Do you not realize how annoying it is to have a burning itching sensation every time I take a step?

I want to ask how you even managed to get to the bottom of my feet, considering I was wearing thick socks and boots at the time. Sure, I took my boots off but you had legs arms and even shoulders to sample on. So why go for the

bottom of my feet?

Do you hang around and take pleasure in watching me suffer? Is that why I hear that incessant squeal of a buzz at night as I try and sleep? That’s the sound of your sadistic laughter isn’t it? You are just mocking me aren’t you?

You find my suffering amusing. I am just some sort of sick ‘live entertainment’ to you, a sort of reality TV show. Do you film me too? So you can retreat to your worthless shack of a home and watch my anguish? Does it sustain you? Do my groans and mumbles of annoyance make you happy? Does watching me struggle fulfil your desires?

You, Mrs Mosquito and your female companion –oh yes that’s right I know, you have a whole group. I am on to you all. You, all of you are horrid little creatures. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Just for once, go pick on someone else.

Go find another fetish that doesn’t involve my feet.

I have nothing nice to say to you, or your group of feet loving misfits.

Did you all get ostracized from the mosquito community because of your feet sucking ways? If so I am not surprised. Did you even GET any blood from me when you chose to aim for my soles?

Just because you got kicked out of the mosquitoes little niche’ of popularity doesn’t mean you have to go pick on me. There was a reason why they kicked you out. Instead of praying on me and my poor defenceless feet, I suggest going back to your seedy homes and having a good long hard think about what you are doing and if it is even worth it.

Next time you want to stick your noses into my business why not try an arm or leg? Jeez I even hear that the hand is got a nice bold flavour to it lately. Personally, I’d prefer you stay away from me completely however the courts laughed at my attempt of getting a restraining order against you. However I know that is not going to happen.

So I implore you.

Stay the heck away from my feet.

Sincerely,

Tiffany.