Life is but a train

Wow, it’s been ever so long since I’ve made a half decent blog entry, and perhaps will be even longer till I actually pull out a decent one out of my little itty bitty stressed cranium. Perhaps it’s also because I tend to write a lot of posts at work, and work has been busy lately. I’d rather focus on what I am paid to do than a blog~ Although poor Billy Bob is looking rather sickly and pale lately.

Why I have not written anything till now? Who knows, I’d rather not blather on about personal issues, so let’s just say I was kidnapped by lesbian pirates from out of space. That’s believable.

Let’s see, what has happened over the past month, Christmas and appletinis came and went, New years and poolside fun also came and went.

Sometimes I see my life like a train, I am but a mere passenger sitting on an old worn leather seat, with many assortments of gum wedged underneath it. Mint seems to be the proffered flavor of the make believe people in my mind.

As I Look out the grimy window, I think to myself, ‘wow, I should really clean these things,’ until I realize this whole scene is a figment of my imagination, deep within the crevasses of my mind. Which then made me come to the conclusion that I had a rather dirty mind, with an even dirtier imagination.

With a small sigh I wipe the grime and dirt away from the window, to look out at scenes and memories that have passed, even now, as I write this, the moment turns into a memory. The present, lasting mere seconds before it passes us, before it escapes our grasp and we realize we cannot undo our actions.

There is no undo or Ctrl + Z in life, as much as I wish there was sometimes, especially when drawing, I often find myself realizing I made a mistake, turning to press Ctl+ Z, then realizing that I am not at a computer, I am in front of a sketch book outside. At times like that I have to wonder if I have involved myself too much in the world of the wide web. It is also then I realize that I am outside, and that HAS to count for something, even if it means I’m getting my daily dose of Australian UV death rays, or have become the main course for a dozen or so mosquitoes.

One then turns away from the window of memories, to look into the dark depths of the mind, the inside of the little rickety train, knowing my mind it would be a rickety old train. With flickering lights and a seedy, shady looking character near the back. Despite there being free seats everywhere he would be standing, just standing and staring.

That would be my inner demon. I named him Jeffery.

Jeffery doesn’t like the outside world, his world is darker, safer. Why venture out into the unknown when he can lurk here, unharmed by the vicious lies and hurtful words of the outside world?

I feel sorry for Jeffery, really I do. he bottles up everything and bears the world on his shoulders, standing tall, proud and strong, whilst still managing to look like a seedy businessman. I keep expecting him to open his cloak and offer me an organ or two.

If he did, I would totally buy gills.

This is life, this rickety train is my existence, its tracks, bending and curving with each decision I make. I am but a mere passenger, yet I am still able to decide where to go, and when to get off. I glance outside once more, and choose to stand up.

The rickety ‘clack,clack,clack,’ slows, the screeching of breaks ring and echo within my ears, as the train comes to a stop. I give Jeffery a faint smile, as I choose to get off. The doors close behind me, and I take one last look back, seeing Jeffery’s shadow in the window. his palm on the glass pane.

It was a silent goodbye.

All one can do is move forward.