A few months ago I had to have an operation, as to why I will spare the details and just say my Uterus is retarded. More retarded than what a Uterus would already be. In fact, it is so retarded I just had to draw a picture to further illustrate the lack of flair my organ had.
Let us skip the small crap and turn to the day of the operation. Upon entering the hospital for my operation, stripping down and putting on the cold uncomfortable hospital gown I was lead to the ‘waiting’ room. I was given a heated blanket to wrap around me since they decided to keep the waiting room at a constant chilling temperature. I believe that this is for those relatives/friends of patients who also sit in the waiting room. It will give them all some sort of common cold, thus, creating the need for medical expenses, and thus giving the Medical Industry profit.
After waiting, for a surprisingly short amount of time, I was taken into the Operating room, it was filled with around three female nurses, one male nurse and a doctor. I remember them pricking me with various needles and telling me to breathe hard deep and slow through some sort of breathing apparatus.I also remember complaining that my nose was itchy, before falling completely unconscious. Afterwards, when I woke up, I realized two things.1) My nose was still itchy, damn bastards didn’t itch it like I had asked.
2) I was in some foreign part of the hospital, it was dark and isolated.
Now, I looked something like this, since I was heavily sedated and in my heavily sedated state I figured something was wrong, hence my reaction
I was under the impression something was wrong, so I tried to climb out of the bed, not realizing it had wheels, and ended up tumbling to the floor and unpleasantly vomiting on the floor. Now this sort of action caught the attention of a nurse, I have no idea where the hell she came from, but she whisked me up, shoved me in the bed and wheeled me away to a more bright, social part of the hospital. Apparently I had woken up earlier than anticipated and they hadn’t yet moved me to the right ward.
See I am just that damn awesome, the sedative drugs couldn’t even keep me down! After eating some orange coloured jelly that tasted mysteriously like more medicine I was finally able to go home.
Now, since I was to continue taking painkillers, I was very much useless, I remember crawling to the kitchen to try and boil the kettle. I coudln’t lift it up and ended up falling asleep on the kitchen floor.
I woke up some 10 minutes later, and managed to crawl back to the couch. It was at this point I decided I couldn’t function alone. So got back up, my friend came along and spent the night with me.
I’m fair sure he was taunting me the entire time. Pointing and laughing.
Well, jokes on him. He is allergic to cats, and my cat was ever so loving and affectionate toward him, he more than probably inhaled his weight in cat hair.
It took me a week to get used to the medication and stop seeing blurred hallucinations and zombies.
End.
