Subway Shenanigans

Subway has this little option, to double anything. Sure it’s not blatantly advertised but their friendly staff more often than not grit their teeth and ‘politely’ ask, “Would you like to add anything else to that?”

Now during my lunch break, I was standing there pondering this.

Just, just bear with me for a second…

What if…

Are you listening?

What if…

I asked, for extra bread?

Not what you were expecting was it? No? Let me continue.

I normally get double cheese, this time….this time I wanted double roll! I’m not talking about a foot long as opposed to a 6inch, I am talking about a roll inside of a roll, topped with roll.

It began as a joke, a simple idea of “I want a double roll, half toasted, hall fresh. With mozzarella cheese in the middle.

Me, being me came to the wonderful conclusion of “this doesn’t have to be an idea! Let’s get that SH** happening!” So the next day on my next lunchbreak, magic was going to happen.

The girl asked me what I wanted, I said “I want a six inch, Italian herb and cheese, but I want you to put another six inch inside it.”

She stared for a few moments, I can only imagine she was baffled by my greatness, my fantastic idea. I’d get it patented and make a fortune off of fat people eating subs.

“I’m sorry..what…?”

Her confused voice broke my non egotistical stupor, I explained it to her again slowly. Using my hands to depict the perfect ‘shove some bread into some other bead’ action.

“Oh, well..you’ll be charged for a footlong.”

That was fine by me, so she went on with my demand, “fresh or toasted?”

I replied, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically as she stepped back. “BOTH!”

“I…I can’t..what?” She was laughing now, perhaps she assumed I was joking, I was not. I put on my best Serious Business face, because I, in fact. Meant Business.

See?

“Ok, toast the outside…and leave the inside one fresh, but I want cheese attached to the outside one…the mozzarella one.” Again, I talked her through it waving my arms as though I was fluent in some sort of made up sign language. The person behind me, in line was annoyed. He cleared his throat, as businessmen do and said in a businessmen like way;

“You should be considerate of those behind you.”

I turned to him, he had ordered a footlong, I don’t care what was on it. I just stared at his sandwich, which he was going to have toasted too. I watched as she put his in at the same time as mine, I shrugged my shoulders, giving an insincere apology.

That part of the story had nothing to do with my magnificent creation, I just wanted to draw an annoyed looking businessman, I believe I have successfully failed at that.

Now onto the fresh part of the sub, I got peri-peri chicken, more cheese and the usual lettuce, carrot salt and pepper.

What no tomatoes?

F** tomatos, I don’t like them. They’re too wet. It’s like shoving a bucket of wet water on bread. Water that is wetter than normal water….

….F***ing tomatoes

In the end, she managed to complete my insane, fantastic multi million dollar idea sub. I wanted to give her a good review for her great effots but they had no review forms. I asked if her manager was in and she said no. I felt a little dismayed, how would she know how fantastic I felt? How she had become somewhat famous being the firt sandwich artisan to make.. to make…THIS:

Running out of ideas and time, I quickly yammered, “you gatta, comazi…yeh!” Whilst giving her a thumbs up.

She was less than appreciative.

I didn’t care.

I had the best thing ever created, even if it was hard to eat and I ended up discarding the crusty outer layer.

/end.