A Little itty Piece of me in May

This Month I have a few things to say for it is May~

As we walk along the shores of life we leave pieces of us scattered, and fragmented in our wake, both physical and emotional.

This Month;

I like Storms

Fierce and unsuspecting, unrelenting powerful forces from above as the skies reach out to touch the earth, its spindly fingers desperately reaching out to mother earth, for affection for a hello and perhaps for a warm touch, Yet unbeknowst to the storm, it is too powerful and its touch brings naught but destruction across the land that it so lovingly adores~

I don't like: Being Alone~

That feeling, not fear, but dread. Unmistakable and undeniable, as you reach out to those you love only to find that you have naught but yourself. You try to stwin against the currents but they're too strong, they say when it rains, it pours. You become drenched, cold and wet. All you want is to be held by the one you love, so you call out only to be answered by your echoed voice. It is then, that you know you are alone.

I want you to know: Kate, I will steal your Iced Coffee

The horrendous price of asking to move in with your older sister, and all her gay housemates. There is a toll on the fridge sweety and I, the monster will consume it all!

I've Planned: To look after my Altar better

Being a Wiccan, I have an altar one I used to look after everyday but recently with my depressive slump it has been a little neglected, I will fix that quick smart! Candles, insence and cleansings ahoy~

I want to say to someone special: I look forward to the rest of my life with you, Brandon.

I can imagine us fighting at a grocery store over what sort of cheese we'd buy, and the ever increasing prices of milk. Don't worry my dear, we will stock up before the expected great milk shortage of the 2020's!

By the end of this month: I will be on my girly germs

So I will need chocolate, rest, a plethora of various painkillers and medication to keep the cyts at bay. A warm bed and someone to hold. Since I have no one to hold near me I shall attack my cat. Perhaps I should become a crazy cat lady. I hear their pay is quite good, then again the source was unreliable, as she was screeching at me and then proceeded to throw felines my way.

I caught one and took it home.

We now have two cats.

True Story.

Storm Picture by angrygibbon.deviantart.com
Alone Picture by esparrow.deviantart.com
All other Images are sourced from Google and belong to their respective owners~

Love is

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about this emotion, those around me flutter about with their carefree lives, and their notions on the emotion. Love, is impossible to define.

To one, ‘to love’ may mean taking home a drunk and having your way with them in a sack, or perhaps in a seedy toilet in some notorious night club. To another, Love may mean a smile or a warm embrace.

I can’t define love, nor have I ever tried to, I guess this entry comes about because the one person I love, is the one person I cannot hold. See, I have one of those long distance relationships.

A simple brush of his hand against my cheek, the sound and feel of his beating heart and that warm look he has in his eyes when he says the words “I love you.”

I can’t have any of that, to me, love is and has always been a very painful emotion. I have had very unsavory experiences in the past where my trust in someone was broken like a fine crystal glass, the red wine of my heart spilling over and staining the floor with regret and sorrow. It has made it very hard for me to trust people, especially on a romantic level.

There was a time when I had shut myself away from the world, I tricked myself into believing that I was happy being alone, but that was a lie. No one wishes to be alone, the soul is not meant to be isolated in a crystal cage, the heart is made to beat for another.

Now, I have found someone to call my own, but they are so very far away, he lives in the States, New York, and I am here in Australia. Call me a fool, or look down on me in distaste, cast your skeptical views on me, I don’t care.

For one cannot control what their heart desires, we cannot control who we fall in love with or when. Nor can we control the circumstances that seem to befall each and every human being each and every day.

To hear that small chuckle he has when he finds something funny, to hear his flustered sighs as he mumbles incoherently to himself, forgetting that others can hear him. I miss that.

I miss the way he shakes his head at me, smiling softly when I do something that he finds amusing, but he doesn’t want to admit it.

I miss his stubborn attitude and that little pout he makes when he gets told what to do. I miss the dazzling blue in his eyes, and his messy unkempt hair.

Being so far away tugs at the heart, and makes it feel as though I’m alone, rusty daggers tearing along the last shreds of my sanity, when…in reality I am not alone, I am far from it.

Knowing he is there somewhere, should make me happy, it should set my mind at ease. Knowing I can call him ‘my love’ should make my soul resound with joy and sing along with the whispers of the wind.

Yet, I find myself sitting here, feeling lost and feeling alone.Just because I cannot hear his playful voice, touch the warmth of his skin, or even see those dazzling azure orbs.

It’s silly really, I should be happy, at times like this all I can do is look outside at the blue sky, and know that somewhere, he is doing the same. And that our hearts, are beating as one, as we search for a way to see each other again.

An ode to you, you and you.

My life is getting fuller and brighter with each day, at least, that's the way I view it when I am in a good mood. Recently, these past few days I have been in a somewhat depressive state as some of you may know, but now I have lifted myself back off of that proverbial sack of woe. I decided this Journal Entry is going to be a little 'Feel Good' entry about those I care about in my life. If it gets too long, feel free to browse through to see if your name is in there, if its not then...uhm...I either forgot or you are a stranger, or I simply ran out of room or oomph etc. etc.

I have a few people to thank for that;

Brandon,
My Life, My love. He truly is the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with, we may have our fights here and there, especially because of that darned distance that you get for falling head over ankle killing heels for someone in another country.

Courtney;
God I love you, you're such an awesome friend and I only wish we could hang out more often and talk more often than we do, I know we don't talk all that much but when we do...just...GOD...I mean seriously...I don't wanna be Hannah Montana no more, I wanna be Miley! I have the best conversations with her and we have so much in common, ah how we spend the days Role Playing away on our various sites. I do hope she seeks vengeance for that dear, dear fish. I love you courtney, you have an amazing and bright aura with a pure energy, never loose that!

Luke;
What Can I say? We have had our ins and outs, and ins and outs throughout the time he lived in my house, we fought and all sorts, but became great friends again. He's always great for a laugh and I can talk to him about some things that I can't talk to many others about, and he sits there and believes me and puts up with my bitching. He pretty much helped me get a back bone and stop having people walk over me and abuse me for my kindness. I don't complain a whole lot, well I have been a little more lately, but when I do, I bitch to him and he puts up with it.

Sammy
'La la la la la la"

Chelle
I'm not sure what sort of things that I can say about you that will remain G or even M rated. You are a W*** of a **** wrapped up in a *** oozing with ***** and I absolutely love you for it, you are loud and funny with a great sense of humor.

Tsunami
You're my brother from another mother yo! I love your outlook and how you believe there is a greater light and good in everyone, I love how you are always trying to remain positive and how you want to be a great leader, how you try to manage everyone else's problems. I love teasing you, you are so simple at times when it comes to innuendo and your reactions are always priceless. I can't wait to latch my claws into you for real!


Radical Dreamers
Hurr Durr, you are all retards, but I think you are all great. You each have an individual passion that you strive to live and fight for, you are all wonders that inspire each person you meet.

Shado
I love reading all your comments, really, thank you for commenting on each and every journal entry it makes me feel special and it proves that at least one person is reading it, even if its a singing stalker.

Members of Integral
I am not going to list all your names, it will take far too long but you are all great and its a wonderful community that I'm very happy to be a part of. From the admins Edan, Effie, Rego and SJ to the regular users like Mourgan, Shado, Crim and Raina, you are all amazing!

Straight Luke
For coming around During your free periods and lunch breaks, you are a retard but you are great company.

My Family
To my mum, who is insane, literally insane, she is crazed I swear, and scary when she wants to be. But gods I love her, she is wonderful, kind and giving. She is the type of person to always put others needs before her own, and she deserves the love of the world and more.

My two little sisters, Amy and Kate. You both are so vastly different and while we have our differences I couldn't dream of having anyone else as my two kooky sisters. Kate, you're loud and proud, you are the type of girl to liven up any room or party. Amy, you are one strange girl, but you've matured wonderfully you are bright and optimistic with a great sense of humor. Keep that man of yours outta trouble!

Dad, you are insane and overprotective but I love you and I know its just your way of showing that you love me. Your inane rants about football bore me to all heck but sheesh, you just wouldn't be you without them

Stacey
You are the hottest pregnant girl I've ever seen. I love you, we both have been through a lot together and though the distance between us is great I know we will remain best friends throughout life no matter what, you are my family, you're my sister.

Bec, Micahel, Ashlea, Josh, Andy-Law
You're all like a second family, except you Andy, you is ninja!
Bec you're insightful and amazing, Ashlea I can't believe how much we end up being all synced without even realizing it! Josh, get off that dang computer and socialize with me more. Michael, I love cuddling with you at times cause I really need it, you're like that douchebag stoner brother~!


If I've missed anyone really important I will add them later!~
Alternatively comment me and I'll add you!

Much love
xoxo